now…. in most situations… i don’t feel fear, that just might be subconscious like someone said.. i wouldn’t know if my face is red if ppl in the same room haven’t told me.

i wish i didn’t get it… is like giving away stuff… is a lill depressing but i get by

Since last I wrote many things have changed. My face still gets red, so don’t get your hopes up yet… BUT, the feeling of wanting to be a total recluse in order to avoid social situations has abated.

At the beginning of the year I began to feel myself gravitate towards agoraphobia. I didn’t want to be around anyone or do anything because I was so afraid of being stuck in a situation where my face would get red, and then if it turned red all I would do was think about how much I hated it being red, thus perpetuating the cycle of redness. I finally broke down and found a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Right now I am in my 9th week of therapy and I am being exposed to all sorts of interesting modes of treatment.

Because my anxiety stems from and is directly linked to whether or not my face is red, part of the treatment is to purposely make my face red and do different behavioral tests. For example, one of my fears was of being in a room with bright lights and having to hold a conversation with someone b/c at any moment I knew my face would turn red. So for therapy, the Dr. had someone come in and I had to have a conversation with this stranger under the glare of bright lights. During this time I rated my anxiety level and how much I thought I was blushing and so did the person who I was having the conversation with. Interestingly enough, the majority of the time the person commented that she didn’t think that I was blushing.

I chose this example of my therapy b/c it’s important to recognize that the heat sensation that we feel does not always mean we are blushing. But, if you are like me and have had people in your life who comment (sometimes rather rudely) about your face being red, it’s hard to break the association between the heat sensation and the actual blushing. Make any sense? So that means, there are some times when we feel a little warm in the cheeks, but it may not be recognizable to others. Unfortunately, that warmth often increases as we begin to worry about the horrible feeling of the full-on redness, which in turn makes the redness inevitable.

So first, stop doing safety checks. An example of a safety check would be checking in the mirror to see if you’re blushing. Once I stopped checking all the time I realized that if no one said anything to me, there was no way that I could actually KNOW that I was blushing. If I didn’t have actual concrete evidence of my face blushing (and the heat feeling is not evidence) then who was I to say if I was blushing or not? By NOT looking in the mirror, I stopped mentally beating myself up. I stopped disappointing myself when I saw two fire red cheeks, and a ruddy nose and chin. If I didn’t see it I couldn’t 100% say that I was blushing.

Second, stop avoiding situations. By avoiding you are teaching your brain that those situations are “bad” and that there is reason for panic. I know this one is hard. It is still really hard for me, but getting better. I find the more I suck it up and do whatever it is I am avoiding, the more I realize that I can make it through the situation without completely falling apart. For me the anticipation of the event creates more anxiety then the actual event that I’m anxious about.

Third, if someone comments on your red face, just act as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. At first it will be really hard. But the more often you say “Oh, my face is red? I didn’t notice” the sooner you’ll believe it yourself. I know this one can be particularly hard for high school age kids. Your peers are so insensitive at that age and making fun of others is the ultimate defense mechanism. But at least as you get older you’ll run into people who are more understanding and less likely to make fun of you. Some are, but not all;)

That’s all the advice I have so far. I’ll keep posting about my experiences of my therapy if it’s helpful to others. And if you feel you need therapy I would definitely recommend CBT (feel free to ask questions). I think we have all been trained to think so negatively about ourselves when our faces turn red. But the more we can normalize it, the better it will become! Like so many of you have said, it’s nice to come to this website and share stories and read about other experiences. When you get down about your facial flushing, just remember there are so many people in the world that feel the exact same way. I know it makes me feel a little bit better.

Cheers,
M

I’m a red head so I figured that was part of having fair skin. I do have bad anxiety about large social gatherings with people……even people I’ve known for years. I’ve had bad anxiety my whole life.

I have to put makeup all over my neck and chest when I go to social gatherings.
I’m on anti depressants so you think that would help…..but the older I get the worse it gets.

Has anyone tried Hypnotherapy for this?
P.S. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone!!